


A Burial

by iggycakes



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: 5.0 spoilers, Character Study, F/M, M/M, angst and hurt with no comfort, emet-selch is a sad sad man, end of shadowbringers spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-22 17:30:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19948366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iggycakes/pseuds/iggycakes
Summary: SHADOWBRINGERS SPOILERS 5.0 SPOILERS DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED MSQEmet-Selch visits the Warrior of Light while she sleeps and contemplates The End.





	A Burial

**Author's Note:**

> A character study and a reflection on what Emet-Selch's relationship might have been to Mystery Person he mistook the WoL for.  
> *cough* a lover *cough* *sweats* *cough cough*
> 
> Anyway, this isn't really my wheelhouse, but I had angst to purge so yeah.

_Bury a friend, I wanna end me_

_I wanna end me_

_I wanna, I wanna, I wanna end me_

_I wanna, I wanna, I wanna_

_What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me?_

_What are you wondering? What do you know?_

_Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me?_

_When we all fall asleep, where do we go?_

(bury a friend, billie elish)

-0-

You saw in her the shadow of someone you once loved. A cheap imitation. A broken shard of a soul. But she wasn’t them and she never would be. What you saw in her was foolish hope. A reflection of the pain in your heart. A pain so numb, so constant, you barely registered it anymore. It flared up only every so often. Whenever she did anything particularly virtuous. Whenever she smiled at you as if you'd never done a single wrong. Whenever you noted the strength of her resolve in her gaze. 

You wished desperately that she was who she could be.

Sometimes, watching her tore you apart. She just had no idea. No idea what her significance was. No idea of the limits her vessel put on her. She had no memory. No recollection of the greatness they once shared. She was just a pawn. A minor distraction. An obstacle placed before you to make you question the morality of your actions.

But you were always way passed questioning and doubting. You have lived too many lifetimes to believe anything could change. You have witnessed too many fragmented souls try _their very best_ to prove their worth. And they all came up short. She, too, would come up short. She, like everyone else, would inevitably disappoint you.

You’d think you would’ve learned your lesson by now. To know better than to place your faith in these incomplete creatures. They didn’t know what you knew and yet they continued to struggle against their inevitable demise. It was as adorable as it was pitiful. She wasn’t any different, no matter how much you wished she was.

You repeat it yourself over and over again. 

She is nothing to you. 

She means _nothing_ to you.

Don’t you dare let her mean anything to you.

And yet you couldn’t help yourself. A shade she was, but a convincing shade nonetheless.

Helping the Scions turned out to be a lot more difficult than expected. How could you have foreseen the way she’s swayed your heart? A heart that had all but stopped. A heart you forgot you had. Mostly because you didn’t want it. Because it was a nuisance. Just like these feelings. These affections you bore the so-called Warrior of Darkness.

You figured there was nothing to lose at first. It was no time wasted when you had all the time in the world after all.

But perhaps, part of you wanted to believe in that sliver of hope. In the slight, minuscule chance that _she_ would be the one to finally overcome the limits of their kind. You were foolish enough to hope for a second and now look where you are. 

Hades, you optimistic fool.

Just look where that fucking got you.

Here. 

Your precious warrior _broken._ Her soul practically ripping at the seams, bursting with light. And you had no one to blame but yourself for expecting anything else. You knew. You fucking knew this would happen. Yet your heart aches still.

So, you would lose her too.

What a shame.

You sat at her bedside, watched her toss and turn in bed with pain. You moved her hair away from her face and patted the sweat from her forehead away with the back of your hand. You knew she would not take you up on your offer. To come to die in peace. If she did, maybe you would tell her a story of what they once were. Of what she could be. But she wouldn’t.

The next time she would see you, she would be standing with her companions. They would spout nonsense about fighting for their world and their present. The ignorant fools. Those frail, ignorant fools. 

They will never understand your suffering. 

They can never understand the weight of your misery, your solitude. 

Was it really so much to ask? Not to be alone?

You kissed her forehead with the last inch of kindness you could muster. They were enemies now. One way or another, it would end. 

Either as a meaningless speck in the grand scheme of your life.

Or the sweet relief you'd been secretly craving.  



End file.
